I guess the main reason is simple: I identify with them.
Being a non-binary person, you could ask me “Why not women too?”. The answer is the way women have historically been written. Things are changing (thankfully) and I’m starting to identify with some of the more modern female characters. But in my formative years, they were generally written as “women” as the main characteristic, and after, and only after, they could show other traits. But they were first women, not people, while men have always been written as people. Like that is the default for a human being.
That’s obviously sexist, but it’s what happened, and it also means that the range of personalities as always been wider for men than for women in the media. So in my case, as a person who doesn’t feel like they fit in any of the two categories, I find myself looking up to those few male characters who are brave, determined, protective and strong, but also have traditionally “““feminine””” traits like tenderness, patience, kindness, flexibility, emotional intelligence and a wide range of emotions. Some good examples could be Aang and Uncle Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon or Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke.
But then comes sexual orientation.
It gets very difficult to find bisexual characters in stories. In the past, everybody was depicted as heterosexual. Again, it was the human default, and after, and only after, you could have some queer outsiders, which of course always adjusted to a few predetermined traits. To find non-heterosexual stories, you had to go to the fringes of the media, be it books, movies, series, etc.
And then I discovered Japanese manga, with a plethora of queer stories in some of the genres. But even here, I encountered the first problem again: men were people; women were women. Even in yuri or shoujo ai manga (woman/woman) either everyone was cute and soft and girly, or you found the male gaze everywhere (which has injected itself in society in general, not just in men). On the other hand, yaoi and shounen ai (man/man) offered a wider range of characters once more, but the genre still carried a lot of harmful prejudices, a bit of fetishization and the point of view of the authors, who were mostly straight women writing for straight women. Which is not bad in itself, mind you, but it sometimes feels a bit biased.
Of course, in the majority of these stories, people are homosexual. Some are bisexual, of course, but there’s a tendency to use that trait to give the love interest this quality of attainability for the reader, or to express how much the love interest cares about the protagonist (in the sense that the love they feel is so intense that gender turns into something secondary).
Thankfully (again), nowadays there’s a lot more queer representation, but finding well built bisexual characters is still hard. That’s partially because of the same nature of the orientation itself, because bisexuality can easily be invisibilized, as it depends a lot on perception. What I mean is that, if a character is depicted in a relationship with a person of the opposite gender, then they are perceived as straight. If the character shares gender with their partner, then they are gay, lesbian or homosexual. And if they are not in a relationship, they are heterosexual by default or just weird because they aren’t interested in relationships or sex (someday I’ll talk about the invisibilization of asexuality too…). And I won’t discuss the relationships involving a gender nonconforming person, because they are so few (by the way, thanks, Our Flag Means Death team, for giving us Jim *_*).
To tell the truth, I get it.
I mean, to let it be unquestionably clear that a character is bisexual, you need to actively express it. But it’s not so hard, is it? They can express it in dialogue, making reference to past relationships or current feelings of attraction, without directly announcing “I’m bisexual” on a billboard if it doesn’t come out naturally in the conversation. Or maybe, in science fiction and fantasy, you can do it through context, describing a society in which people relate to each other with independence from gender limitations.
Writing characters like that is another of my motivations.
But then again, why men?
To be honest, I have stories about bisexual women and non-binary characters in my brain which are yet to be developed, but to this point, I felt the need to write about male characters with emotional development who break the rigid rules of prejudice and constricting masculinities.
On one hand, if a man has a relationship with another man, he becomes instantly gay, no matter if he enjoyed relationships with women in the past. The moment they step on that threshold, it’s like there’s no turning back. I find that highly misguided and restricting.
On the other hand, society has a strong grip on men’s behavior and emotions. Usually, they are not allowed to show their feelings. To feel weak or vulnerable. To be tender or soft. To express their love freely, emotionally and physically, not just with women when in a romantic relationship, but also with their friends of any gender. It feels like men are not allowed to connect deeply as human beings.
That tears me up inside, I swear. If I wasn’t allowed to share my feelings, I would probably explode or get terribly depressed. I would feel so alone and confused.
So I write about men who express their feelings. Who have emotional intelligence because they have been able to have, feel and express their own emotions. Who connect with people whatever their gender, and can establish a healthy intimacy with them without being seen as weak or less manly.
That’s why I find the intimacy between two men so precious: because it means they have freed themselves from the crushing rules of society in order to love each other. This is less evident for women, as history has allowed them to connect simply because they weren’t in the spotlight. They didn’t matter. This is, obviously, utterly unjust and deeply saddening, but it gives them some margin of freedom. And not just that: generally, women being intimate with other women is perceived even as something enticing for the male gaze. But men loving men… ugh, that doesn’t sit right with the constricting masculinities which lead society.
In fact, I think the world would be a better place if men could shake off the weight of that stupid idiosyncrasy. Like practically better. Because, let’s be honest: our society has been led historically by men who generally fit in this kind of aggressive, unreachable and entitled masculinity which, I think, is not the best ally for the well-being of the whole of humanity.
So… yeah. I think that’s it ^^U
To be honest, I know there are more discriminated collectives than bisexual men which I could write about. As I said, I have some stories in my head waiting to be told that involve other people: women, gender nonconforming people, non-white people, people with disabilities…
But, you know, I’m an evolving creator with yet very few stories on their account, and obviously I needed to start with what comes easily. And what can be easier than writing about characters which I can identify myself with. Like bisexual and emotionally healthy men.
Anyway, as I evolve as a storyteller and as a person, I feel more capable of reaching other realities, and that’s what I intend to do in the future. So… stay tuned for that ;p
Big heartfelt hug, everyone ^_^
My dear Ekaitz and Haize holding the bisexual flag under the heavy rain of prejudice ^_^
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